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Why you won’t find pictures of smiley happy people on our counselling page.

www.liferestored.me/counselling

Have you ever been so despondent, so unhappy that the sight of happy people brings either a lump to your throat or something else less pleasant up from down below?

Have you ever been in a relationship, whether it be with your friends, family, or spouse that wasn’t at its best, maybe even at its worst and the sight of others getting on with their significant others brings much the same result as mentioned above, or perhaps even thoughts of a more sinister nature?

An attractive couple playing around on the beach

I can remember a time when I couldn’t watch romantic comedy or so much as think of viewing a chick flick DVD cover without cynicism.

Images of smiley happy people, including getting that song stuck in your head, has never cheered me up when I’ve been down, how about you?

What about someone experiencing grief?

Happy_Elderly_Couple_Smiling

Take a look at these images in this blog for example, imagine yourself in any of the following situations visiting a counselling website covered in such images:

  • Troubled teen at home or runaway
  • Abusive spouse either verbal and/or physical
  • Loss of a loved one
  • Just been made redundant at age 58
  • Household member, or even yourself, having just suffered an injury or been diagnosed with some kind of debilitating illness
  • Struggling to make ends meet
  • Don’t have time to rest (or be reading this, I hope insightful, blog)
  • Even the loss of the family pet

Happy_Family_Smiling

Do any of these images bring you comfort, make you feel happy, make you want to hang around the webpage looking for helpful information and contact details??? No??

Likewise, pictures of unhappy people tend to not bring comfort either.

Hence you will only find generic pictures and boring photos taken by myself of generic and boring things. Because it’s with our hearts we comfort, it’s with our own genuineness, empathy, and willingness to be with people in their need. It’s not with stock images of feigned happiness, not that I’m saying these people’s happiness is feigned, my point is that from a place of hurt it’s not images that calm and soothe, its people themselves.
And I’d not wish the throat lump, other substance, or unhappy thought upon anyone.

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Stop trying to be so happy

We focus on what quickly fades, when we should be investing in the long term.

Our concept of ‘happiness’ forgets half the equation.

There are two kinds of happiness – a fleeting kind we all chase and a lasting kind we often ignore.

When we think of being happy, experts tell us that what we commonly imagine is actually pleasure. It’s the taste of delicious food, the fantasy of winning the lottery or the fallacy that material things can fix our woes.

According to experts interviewed by The New Daily, research shows these pleasures soon fade. Instead, we should also be searching for meaning, a far more stable form of happiness.

“It’s not normal to be yellow smiley face happy all the time. In fact, they’d probably lock you up if you were,” Positive Psychology Institute founder Dr Suzy Green said.

“If you are focussed on that, you are setting yourself up for disappointment, at the very least.”

Shutterstock

Quality Life Australia counsellor Dr Wendy Kennedy agreed that happiness, as most of us define it, does not last. According to ongoing Australian research, most of us are ‘happy’ only about 75 per cent of the time.

“The pursuit of happiness as an end state is not really realistic because it’s a fact of life that we’ll have ups and downs and that’s normal,” Dr Kennedy said.

“There’s a lot of confusion there, and sometimes an expectation that happiness is a state you can achieve and stay there forever and a day. As we well know from experience, it doesn’t generally happen.”

Rather than striving to experience this feel-good emotion all the time, we should focus on adding meaning – what Dr Kennedy called “life satisfaction”.

“Hopefully that is where most people spend most of their time.”

The solution

While pleasures fade, meaning lasts, Federation University psychology lecturer Dr Liz Temple said.

To find it, strive to give and achieve.

“Your accomplishments at work or in sport or family and relationships actually have more depth to them. While they may be harder and may not always make us ‘happy’, they add more to us over the long term,” Dr Temple explained.

Other examples include:

• building greater self esteem;
• doing selfless acts, such as giving your time or money;
• finding a job that fills you with pride; and
• investing more time in personal relationships.

Fun is still important

Shutterstock

Pleasure, defined as ‘hedonistic happiness’ in research, should not be ignored, Dr Temple said.

But, as mentioned above, these things quickly fade. Thus, strategies to make them last should be used.

“If we are always focussed just on meaning, then we never have fun … but in the long run we do need to have those more meaningful aspects,” Dr Temple said.

Last year, The New Daily reported that money can actually buy happiness, provided you buy the right things. You just need to spend it wisely on worthwhile experiences, rather than shiny new things.

Savouring pleasure is also important, another expert said.

“We have one Tim Tam then we want another one and another one. You need to learn to really savour, which means to bring your mindful attention to any of the pleasures to try and get as much joy out of them as you possibly can rather than mindlessly engaging in them,” Positive Psychology Institute’s Dr Green said.

Do both

We should aim to savour our pleasures while also finding more meaning, University of New England psychologist Associate Professor Nicola Schutte said.

“I’m not sure if one can make a blanket statement that all people are better off striving towards one or another type of happiness,” she said.

“I think both types of happiness are valuable.”

 Jul 27, 2015 – Jackson Stiles – Life Editor

http://thenewdaily.com.au/news/2015/07/27/stop-trying-happy-instead/

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